I mean, I only spend a lot of time thinking of terrible things to do to Bones and Spock. To a lesser extent, Jim and of course acid one-liners for Uhura.
RE: WHY SPOCK DIDN'T TIE A RIBBON AROUND HIMSELF AND ARRANGE HIMSELF UNDER PIKE'S CHRISTMAS TREE, A RUNNING JOKE:
JIm poked at Bones. "Hey, you remember the conversation we had about why Spock never tapped Pike?"
"Every tortured night of my life," said Bones, rousing a little. "What, not that I really want to know, brought this on?"
"I figured it out," said Jim. He waited, but Bones turned over and pretended to snore. He poked at him again. "Aren't you curious? At all?"
"No," said Bones, sincerity ringing through his voice.
"See, when Spock and I went to visit Pike last week, he had another visitor."
"Do you mean to tell me," said Bones, sleepy but indignant, "you think Pike was bangin' his XO before Spock?"
"Well," said Jim thoughtfully, "She's taller than Uhura, has legs up to her neck, a figure like, I dunno, one of those Venuses they made us study in art history, and also, was arguing transwarp physics and engine loads with Spock."
There was a long silence. "Huh," said Bones, more awake. "That doesn't mean --"
"And Pike was just sitting there with his chin in his hand, watching them draw figures on Spock's PADD with that little smile he gets on his face when he's really pleased with himself," added Jim.
"So I'm not arguin' with your logic, God forbid," said Bones. "But just because she's got brains, and legs, and he seems real fond on her, that don't mean Spock wouldn't've -- I mean, after she -- why did she leave?"
"She got the Yorktown," explained Jim.
"... okay, I might see as how even Pointy Ears could be intimidated," said Bones, after another minute.
"Also, you know, when she came in Spock lit up like it was Christmas and insisted on giving her the best spot and all but called her Honored Older Sister in Vulcan," said Jim. "She speaks Vulcan, too. Fluently."
"Son, you are in such trouble," said Bones, sympathetically. "Now shut the hell up so I can get some sleep before this damn wedding."
Tags: my ex's next wedding, star trek
emotion: 
amusing myself
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